As the next couple of weeks progress, I feel that perhaps subconsciously I understand the reason why I haven't said anything more. As I faced more and more unreturned phone messages, I have to admit I was being sucked headlong into this tremendous void.

But when I did receive a message finally, it didn't make matters any better. A message from my wife explained that she and Amanda had just returned from visiting her mom for a couple weeks, which had accounted for why she had not returned my messages, though she had not acknowledged my messages at all. And her message to me had no mention of how she missed me as much as I missed her ...it was merely to inform me that while shopping, she had lost my credit card, and that I should probably call the credit card company to inform them.

I suddenly see my life as becoming less and less significant ...and me, becoming more and more despondent, as I realize my only worth seems to be my contribution to the business world.

I am finding it harder and harder to deny that the highlight of my day is having April around. Each morning, as I go to the office, I look forward to her affirming smile. She flutters about eagerly, seemingly very content with doing her job ...and just aiming to please me. How can anyone find that not attractive?

That's not the only thing I feel though.